Lost in the Right Direction

First off, a big YAY to new year's resolutions. Amidst all the packing and planning, I promised myself I would create this space, no matter how long it took, or how much stress it was going to add to my never-ending "pack up your world and start over" list. (I moved to charming Charleston, South Carolina last week!) I started blogging over seven years ago, and somewhere along the way I let the bustle of life get in the way of something that's been a huge passion and therapy for me. I am so happy to be back here, and starting fresh in more ways than one in 2018.

A year ago, right around this time, I planned a trip that would change my life, unknowingly. I was up to my eyelashes in twin-of-honor duties, and I knew that my bride-to-be twin deserved the bachelorette weekend of her dreams. We had only discovered Charleston maybe a year prior, but knew it was a place that we could really get into - with all the pastel homes, floral aromas, and photo ready restaurants. We had no idea that this little peninsula would draw us in the way it did over that unbelievable weekend, and leave an imprint on our hearts that left us longing to return. I think most people are able to leave their vacation destination knowing they made great memories and want to return one day, but this was different. Charleston woke the sleeping dreamer in me, stirring up a whole lot of hopes and ambitions that had seemed to be resting for a while. 

After returning home, you naturally settle back into your routine and say to yourself, "This place isn't so bad. This place is home. This is where I am supposed to be..." and after days and weeks and months of this comfort quieting the fire inside you, you start to believe it. 

I"ll chalk 2017 up as my quarter-life crisis. So many things changed in my life - a sudden career setback (which in retrospect was an absolute blessing), my twin got married, I was newly single, and completely lost. It was like someone hit the reset button on my life and I was left trying to build myself up from scratch. I was feeling "behind" in a lot of ways and instead of trusting my path and working towards what was next by listening to my heart, I was focused much too heavily on my end game. I knew where I saw my life in ten years, and I wanted to take the quickest shortcut possible to get there. 

I explored Texas as a place to start a new life, to the point where I had convinced my friends, family, interviewers, and myself that it was what I wanted. On a visit this past fall, I pictured life that far from my twin sister and completely broke down. I pictured life that far from the ocean and east coast familiarity and I just lost it. It was through exploring this idea and putting it into motion that I realized as beautiful and exciting of a place it was, it just wasn't me. 

I realized that rather than seeking out a career, I would seek out a lifestyle. I would go against the norm and stay true to my dreamer instincts, and pursue the place that seemed too good to be real. I'd go after the place that stole every one of my daydreams. I'd follow my heart and passions instead of a corporate ladder. I'd find a way to get there. To get to Charleston.

So here I am, four months later, embarking on a journey for me and my happiness. I'm calling a place home that warms my soul, and having faith in the idea of everything else falling into place, and happening just as it's meant to. I'm going to find inspiration and awaken my being. I"m going to literally stop and smell the roses. I'm going to dream so big, each and everyday, and know this is still just my beginning.

With a pang in my heart, I think about my twin. "Missing her" doesn't begin to describe the emotions surrounding what's ahead for us. She has been unbelievably selfless and supportive in pushing me to live out this dream. She's the reason I dream so big. She's my golden light. We know we are meant to be together, and it's only a matter of time until we are again - dreaming, creating, and inspiring each other.

- Golden Girl